This is an ironic post to come immediately after a post on patience, but to prove I am human, I have to say there are a few things that are getting tiring in my life right now...
1. Sleeping on waterproof sheets 'just in case.' I had some of these in my birth supply box and we went ahead and set them up last Tuesday during our "False Alarm." I plan on delivering in the birth tub, but thought it was very possible for my water to break on the bed, so I might as well prepare. The problem now is that they are not super comfy (even with other sheets over them) and are definitely not breathable. I'm tired of waking up hot in the middle of the night and have just about decided to take them off the bed, since Murphy's Law says that will be when my water breaks, ha. Maybe they are even contributing to my bouts of insomnia, who knows?
2. Speaking of that birth tub...we set it up last Tuesday too. I told Josh we probably needed to take it down Wednesday before Ezra got home because I was afraid he'd want to jump/climb/dive into it, but Josh said as soon as he got it all put back up I'd go into labor and he'd have to get it all set up again. Luckily, Ezra hasn't bothered it a bit since he came home. He was curious about it, but Josh explained that it was "for Ellie" and he hasn't bothered it a bit since. He just occasionally mentions the fact that it is 'for Ellie' in passing. Now, I actually think the birth tub is pretty cool. It has the fastest (and loudest) air pump I've ever seen, and a water pump, filters, liner...this is not your little blow-up outdoor pool! Until recently, I would smell that plastic pool smell every time I went into our bedroom, though, and it was kind of a little reminder of, You haven't used me yet because you still haven't had that baby! Now I don't smell the plastic-y smell anymore. I don't think it's because I'm used to it (we keep our bedroom door closed most of the time, so it was definitely contained to there). I think it has actually had time to air out that 'new pool' smell. Maybe the midwife will be appreciative...
3. Yes, I realize I just gave the birthing tub a voice--and some attitude. This attitude is another thing I'm doing my best to deal with patiently. Our family has been pretty good at not being too demanding about 'when I'm going to have this baby,' but they have still had funny little things to say. I know they don't mean anything by them, so they don't bother me. It's when I run into other people--sometimes strangers--who simply have to ask, "Aren't you ever going to have that baby?!" that it starts to get a bit tiresome. It doesn't really make me mad...or even that irritated...it's just that I am already acutely aware of the fact that I haven't yet given birth, and I'm already asking myself when she is coming about every second of every day. Understand--it's not that any of these people have a bad or negative attitude that bothers me--because they don't really have a bad or negative attitude. It's just that I'm already thinking about this constantly and when others mention it, it makes me that more aware of it. Also, although this is unfounded, it almost makes you feel guilty for not having the baby yet. This makes no sense at all, and I get that--I guess it's just a hormonal pregnancy thing.
The good thing is, I've been through this whole 'living past the due date' thing before and survived just fine. Ezra was born 9 days past his 'due date' and besides, due dates are estimates. They can go two weeks either way. I think in our society of instant gratification we accept that the baby can come early (how many mothers do you know who are 'ready when the baby is' once they reach 37 weeks?), but we don't want to think about the baby being 'late.' I refer you back to the '2 weeks either way' rule...if your date is off by 2 weeks, this could mean you are only 38 weeks along at your 'due date.'
Here are some positive things I think of to help me deal with the negative attitude that tries/is trying to creep up on me concerning Eliana not being here yet...
*It gives me time to finish up all the details of her nursery--I still need to hang her shelves, and a newborn will probably not appreciate the hammering this will entail. Plus, I found the perfect canvas for her room at Hobby Lobby yesterday that needs to find the perfect place on her walls--I wouldn't have even found that if she'd already been born because I probably wouldn't want to be cruising around Jonesboro on a shopping trip if she was only a few days old.
*It gives me more time to make sure Ezra and I get lots of quality time together before his 'only child' status is moot. I want him to know and feel just how much he is treasured and loved as we go through this major transition in all our lives. (Side note: I asked him last night when Ellie was coming out and he pulled on my belly and said, "It's too hard. She's stuck!" I told him it was okay and she'd come out when it was time, and he tried to 'open' my belly button--which no longer exists--and said, "I can't open it!" Just thought I'd share some cuteness. :) )
*We still have baby gear in the attic that needs to come into the house (cradle, swing, infant car seat). We haven't been in a rush to get any of this since none of it will be immediately needed, and when it is needed it will only take a few minutes to retrieve (I already put all of the baby gear next to the attic entrance a while back). Also, we have a toddler who would probably love to jump into the cradle (the one I slept in) and send it crashing into pieces or try to sit in the swing (ironically, our little man is probably not too far over the weight limit enough to harm it, ha), and the car seat would just be in the way right now.
*God knows when Eliana's birthday is. This was the number one most comforting fact when I was overdue with Ezra, and is still number one this time around. Just because we don't know when she is going to get here doesn't mean He doesn't. I told you the other day, if you say you're patient or ask to be more patient, God will hold you to it! Here I am, living proof once again, ha!
When I was in college, I completely totaled my car by running off a very large embankment (or 'cliff,' as we like to refer to it to help others understand how big a drop it was). Somehow my car barely missed hitting a culvert (we're talking inches here) that would have sent me toppling and, after a short flight, I landed upright in the bottom of a large ditch. It was, in a word, terrifying.
The most comforting words came from my mother at that time. She told me that my wreck wasn't a surprise to God. He knew exactly when that would happen and already had angels in place.
I cannot tell you how much those words comforted me. They felt like a soothing balm over my rapidly beating, panicked heart. I have remembered those words many, many times when things have gone wrong since then, and they still have that healing power. They remind me to "Be still and know that He is God."
So even though I don't know exactly when my sweet daughter will arrive, I can be assured that God already knows--what is left to worry about? She will come in His perfect timing, in His perfect way (whatever way that ends up being), and in His perfect plan for her and for us.
...I don't know about you, but that makes me feel pretty great!
Once again, patiently, not perfectly, waiting,