Thursday, June 13, 2013

Hi, My Name is Deidre, and I'm a Chronic "Lie Listener"

I am a lie listener. Chronically. But through the grace of God, I'm finally working through it. I came upon the realization that I'm a chronic lie listener through the help of two books (more like Bible studies/toe stompers/heart re-aligners), The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace and Gospel Treason by Brad Bigney. If you haven't read these books, stop now, go to or your local Life Way Christian bookstore, and buy them NOW (FYI, if you are male, you should probably buy The Exemplary Husband instead of The Excellent Wife-just sayin')!
{Hint: get them on your Kindle app on your phone so you always have them close by-having T.E.W. on my phone has been a lifesaver when I needed to turn my thoughts around in difficult situations!!}

Ok, so back to being a lie listener. Maybe I should say lie believer...I don't know. Either way, I had no idea I was even believing these lies until they were revealed to my heart as lies by The Excellent Wife, a book I turned to in the bleakest of times, on the recommendation of a dear friend (thank the Lord for that). I'm not sure where else to go with this post other than to tell you what lies I'm talking about, so here goes...

"You're such a great mom!"
Ok, I know, who doesn't want to believe that, right? Not that I think I'm a terrible mom, but I let others' opinion of how I mothered dictate my life at one point. I'm not even sure that anyone else but me was aware of it, but let's just say I felt like an extreme failure at some points because my child never slept (NEVER) and he cried a lot (A WHOLE LOT), no matter what I did. Other moms would lightly laugh and say, "Oh mine did that too, just do _____ and that'll fix it." A few would say, "It's normal--mine did that until they were 4 years old. Don't worry, it will work itself out!" {MAD props to those women!!!}

Even when I found things that worked, I still felt like a failure because others would act like I was making bad choices. I spent the first year of his life in the church nursery with him, gaining criticism and looks from the nursery workers for 'babying' him. The same workers who would bring him back to me EVERY WEEK because he would. NOT. stop. crying! The way I saw it, I was saving them, him, and me a big headache by skipping the middle man. FYI, he now goes to his own class. He still struggles with change, so the transition to his newest class has been difficult at times, but that's just his personality. Some kids change every other day and never miss a beat (so do some adults) and some just don't (neither do some adults).

The other side to this coin was people would genuinely compliment my mothering because they would see my children being well behaved, wearing nicely put together outfits, and doing something talented or smart. This isn't a bad thing. It IS a bad thing when I start to believe I've got it all together, that I've done any of it on my own, or that they'd be anything but wild heathens and I'd be anything other than a complete failure without the help of God. Suddenly, my value is based on how great my kids' outfits look, how many Pinterest projects we've completed together, or whether or not they have a mental breakdown when the regular teacher isn't there for Sunday School.

How I got am getting past it: My children are gifts from God. So they belong to Him. I can do my best to make sure they are dressed cute, that I post pictures of our projects on Facebook, and that I teach them about good manners, etc. but in the end, they are kids. So they are learning. Basing my value on what kind of mother people think I am is not only unreliable (random toddler tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, anyone?), it's unbiblical.  My value is beyond that of rubies, and NOT because of anything I've done or CAN do...because Jesus died for me and values me. Does He want me to be a godly mother? Of course! Is that something I can do on my own? Heck no! I can only achieve that through the seeking of His will, constantly.

This is just one of many lies I've been victim to. When it all comes down to it, I let what others thought of my mothering skills become an idol in my life. I'll be sharing more of my personal struggles in the days to come, in hopes that someone else who has had the same struggles can find freedom in the truth of God's word.

And, seriously, if you haven't already, look up those books. Now...and BUY them!