Ezra Update: He's doing okay with the transition to big brother/no longer the only child, but it has been very difficult. From him laughing at me as he disobeys because I'm busy nursing, to him purposely being loud to wake up Ellie, it's not been smooth sailing. I've always loved how much he talks, but lately, he is just talking to hear his own voice/wake up the baby. I'm trying to stay calm and think about it honestly before snapping at him--Would this have bothered me before Ellie was here? Is he really being that loud, or are my nerves just on edge? etc. This is helping some.
I have really had to be "mean mommy" lately to get him to take me seriously. I don't like it at all, but he can't run wild, either. Josh texted me this morning to see if he was acting better today and I said he'd had a few spankings. Josh replied that it was before 9 am--he was really being a go-getter. I just said I hoped the strong beginning would mean he gets the idea early today. Josh said I was an optimist. I said I was a "desperate-for-hope-ist." :)
All that aside, there have been some really sweet moments between Ez and El. At first, whenever she would cry, he'd come say, "It's okay, baby, I'm back. Ezra's here. It's okay," in this really sweet, soothing voice. Now he's used to her crying, so he usually just ignores it or tells me "the baby's crying."
Then there was the time I realized I didn't see him and it was quiet. I rushed into the bedroom where Ellie was asleep on our bed and found this:
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| He said, "I sleep by the baby. I like him." Don't worry-he then told me she is a girl. Just a little pronoun confusion. ;) |
I've never liked that when people know you have a new baby, the first thing they always ask is if they are a good baby (meaning, Do they sleep?) or if you are getting any sleep. Um, no. I'm a new parent. We have a newborn. Exactly why is this question being asked, again?
Ellie sleeps for 3 hour stretches at night, meaning if we go to bed after nursing around 9, she wakes up around midnight and 3 am before waking up again around 6. This is like a vacation compared to Ezra, bless his heart. He had much more trouble eating, which I think compounded our sleep issues. He would wake up about every hour to nurse, which took him about 20-30 minutes. This meant that by the time he finished, I had around 30-40 minutes to sleep before he woke up again. Add in diaper changes and burping, and that added up to a pretty frazzled mommy. I really think his feeding issues also added to his 'colic.' He would cry so much, for so long. And there was no 'crying it out'--he was zero to a zillion in one second and it didn't stop. It was the awful, he's hurting and there's nothing you can do about it cry, too.
So far, Ellie cries when she is hungry, gassy/making a bowel movement, or tired and can't get to sleep without cuddles. Also, while sleeping, she may start to fuss and then stop within a few seconds, fast asleep again. I'm pretty sure this never happened with Ez. Like I said, zero to a zillion.
NOTE: I don't want anyone to think I am comparing my kids constantly. I'm just so thankful for what I have now, because I know how it can be instead. And I've always loved Ezra with my whole heart and then some, even when he was screaming his head off for hours and all I could do was cry with him.
Me Update: Well, everything went awesome with the birth! I cannot tell you all the great things here, or it would be the longest post ever, so I'll try to get that birth story post done later this week. The next day was great--I was still on my amazing oxytocin high that comes from delivering naturally. The day after that, the tiredness hit (I remember being the same way with Ez). Josh was able to stay home for a week, using a few vacation days and some (unpaid) paternity days. Small check that week, but I needed the help more than we needed the money, trust me.
That week was very challenging for Ezra and Josh. I was pretty much consumed with recovery and caring for Eliana, so Josh was on Ezra duty full-time. Ezra didn't appreciate the shift from me to Josh as primary caregiver at first, but by the end of the week, he was asking for Daddy over me. Now he thinks Josh hung the moon-and shouldn't every kid think that about their dad? :) Josh is doing better with his patience, too.
That was a hard process throughout the week, and there were times where I felt guilty for not being able to help, but I had to learn I can't do everything at once. I overdid it a few times, and paid the price with a plugged milk duct on one side and, eventually, a case of mastitis on the other. Oh my, I cannot possibly express the pain and awfulness that is mastitis. Think of a really bad case of the flu, plus your breast feels like it is about to explode, but can't! Fever, chills, raging post-pregnancy hormones--it wasn't pretty, folks.
Thank the Lord for my mother and mother-in-law. Mom came to take care of me and help with Eliana and Julia was able to take Ezra to her house to play so I wouldn't have to worry about him being taken care of. It was still really hard because I hate to ask for help and I felt like I kept having to send Ezra away and he was going to think I didn't love him anymore. (Silly? Somewhat...but remember, lots of hormones and sickness going on at the time.)
Right now we are in the midst of our daily "naptime war," so I need to get off of here and make Ezra go to sleep. He thinks it's funny, then cries when he gets a spanking, then it starts over again until he wears down and goes to sleep. I'm looking forward to this battle getting shorter and someday not happening at all (hopefully).
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